As an artist I have
struggled a great deal with putting my art "out there" for people to
see and experience. I know I am not alone in this soul-wrenching dilemma...but
some days it is easier to remember that than others. I feel like a
journal artist. Like whatever I create is a glimpse of my heart. And with each person I share my art, I am
sharing my soul. It is a very vulnerable feeling. I have really had
to give it to God and also trust the people around me to take good care of my
heart. I know my art will never be for everyone, but the fear can be
overwhelming even when exposing myself to the people with whom I am closest. How
will they respond? What will they think? Should I just keep this
one to myself? All these thoughts and more run through my head at the
completion of every project.
I try to remember that it is myself alone that I must satisfy. I am my
own greatest and most terrible critic. If I like something I have made,
then chances are, through my own joy and excitement others will benefit from
the beauty I have created. Gifts are the easiest avenue I have found in
which to share. There is no cold, hard cash amount placed on it...it is a
gift. It's a gift from my heart. And there it started...I would
stamp everything with my heart.
I live in Portland because I like the rain. I like the moody clouds and
the sound of rain pelting the world. I love the smell that comes with the
onset of a deluge...that almost chalky smell of dust, the moist deep fragrance of
moss and ancient trees. I have written poetry since I was in grade school
and in one of my poems I wrote the line, "...These are the tirades of a
melancholy heart..." and it had stayed in my head ever since. In
fact that particular poem was never finished but the words haunt and echo in my
soul...they resonate so deeply I decided to use them as my business logo.
I wasn't the little kid that put hearts everywhere and I have never been a pink
girl...I am melancholy. Give me the moody colors of night... so what
better color was there than purple?! lol. This quote sums up why so
nicely, "All the other colors are just colors, but purple seems to have a
soul. Purple is not just a noun and an adjective but also a verb - when you
look at it, it's looking back at you.” ~Uniek Swain
But a heart? really?!
I am a person of deep felt
friendships. Much to the chagrin of my past boyfriends who would say,
"I love you." and I would wallow in "...I like you but...I think
I love you means something different than what you just said…I can love you as
a person...but I don't love
you." But when I do say the words...I mean them from the very depths
of my soul. I began just doing a heart with my name on handwritten letters to my
parents and friends. And eventually it just became the heart. One day, my
mom was mounting foam rubber stamps onto blocks and she was trimming the
excess rubber to avoid those annoying little marks--- and I took one of them
and made it mimic my "signature" heart. Over the years, I used
it on and off in making cards. Then a couple of years ago, when I made
jewelry boxes and gifts I would still sign my heart and I remembered that
stamp... and you will now see it in most of my art work, on the back of hand
made cards, on the jewelry cards and boxes...everywhere. Now my heart
really is stamped on everything...because it was already branded as I poured it
forth from my soul.
This is the birth of my "Melancholy Tirade of the heart."
